Bright Lights Film Journal

All aboard! All aboard for the JOHN WAYNE Train!

Have you ever looked at your living room, parlor, den, family area, rec room, or whatever, and cried out, in anguish and alarm, “If only! If only there were some way to tie together this misbegotten mélange of Danish modern, Chippendale, and Contemporary Industrial into something as exciting and as passionate as I am! If only I had, I don’t know, a toy train perhaps, emblazoned with emblems and images of the Old West, as reimagined by Hollywood for the Silver Screen!”

Well, weep no more, my lady. Those good folks at Hawthorne Village, whoever the fuck they are, have heard your plea. The John Wayne train is on the way!

Yes, for only, well, quite a bit of money, actually, you’d better read the fine print, you can have this authentic, old time model steam engine, and matching cars, all bearing the Duke’s likeness in all his Injun-killin’ glory! It’s made to On30 scale, whatever that is, but it runs on HO track! (I did not see that coming.) And the track is free! (Or else included in the cost; it depends on how you look at it.)

The John Wayne train. Because in America, everyone has too much money.