Yo, I had to review NEVER BACK DOWN? The Yo MTV Fight Club movie? Shit was awesome, a PG-13 coming-of-age 8 MILE VS. FIGHT CLUB down at the MILLION DOLLAR BABY gym sort of vehicle. Shit was tight! All this bashing around on concrete and not one tooth lost. Everybody’s pretty and glowing two minutes later.
The big difference between my fighting years and now though is how all the kids have video camera phones, so every punch is recorded for posterity, glory and possible incarceration. Talk about your worst adolescent fears finally coming true! Now everyone in the world really does know what an idiot you were last night.
Fight clubs have been springing up all over the country, putting their bouts up on myspace and youtube, which can be dumb if that’s where schoolboarding parents might see them, as in this case up in Boulder Colorado. Imagine, with all these little bastards videotaping all the time on their little cameraphones, anything you do or say, EVER might be studied by the police, your mom or your employer or even your school principal. It’s not Big Brother we have to fear, but little brother with his little iphone!
At last it makes sense why all the himbos in all the WB-network dramas in all the world are so taciturn – the slightest hint of emotion will appear instantly on every cell phone in town, betraying your real feelings. In the high school of today, your poker face has to be worn 24/7.
What only a hardened few in NEVER BACK DOWN and FIGHT CLUB understand though is that boys gotta fight. It’s in their blood. You either let them have outlets for it, or you pay the penalty. And by outlets I don’t mean videogames and football. I mean combat, man to man, hand to hand, and it’s got to hurt, it’s got to have fear involved, otherwise they can’t bond over it, there’s nothing to snap them out of their couch-fed stupor. A good blow to the face can clear the cobwebs. That’s the underlying principal behind hazing rituals, for example, and it’s something that the namby pamby academics of the world refuse to understand, citing video games, TV and the internet as the causes for this “antisocial behavior” like you can just cross your ivory tower fingers and wish away the murder and insanity that got our World Conqueror DNA where it is today! AGHGHGHGHGHG! GIVE ME THE BLOOD, LORD! AND LET ME GET AWAY!