Let’s get to it: What’s worth missing?
The Jane Austen Book Club: Ann Hornaday at the Washington Post says this isn’t a chick flick, but adds that it is “a decadent, gooey hot fudge sundae of a movie, with whipped cream and a cherry on top.” Ann, honey, I’m guessing, it is a chick flick.
Trade: Naked chick with a bar code tattooed on her back. But I believe in free trade. Yay, globalism!
Into the Wild: Young guy looking spiritual, sitting on top of a bus. Hey, I did that too, and I survived! Why doesn’t Sean Penn make a movie about me?
Resident Evil: Extinction: I saw a “Resident Evil” flick a couple of years ago, and this chick beat up this thing that didn’t have no eyes. Not bad, but not enough for a repeat.
Feast of Love: Morgan Freeman and a lot of happy young white folks. Plus there’s a dog in the ad. Bodes ill. In fact, bodes very ill.
The Kingdom: “A riveting, hold-your-breath, ticking time-bomb of a movie” says Pete “Yes I know I sound like a quote whore but I’m really not I work for Maxim” Hammond. Jamie Foxx has never done a damn thing for me, and Jennifer Garner has disappointed me once too often. Kick butt on your own time, guys.
Across the Universe: I did the Sixties. For real. They’re done.
The Game Plan: Walt Disney and Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson? Stay “the Fuck” away.
3:10 to Yuma: A western? I don’t think so.
Sydney White: Chick with Rachel Green hair. How do you see this film without looking and feeling like a child molester? Pass.
Good Luck Chuck: Jessica Alba is squeezing her tits together. Maybe.