Let’s get to it: What’s not worth it?
The Nanny Diaries: I recently immortalized Scarlett Johansson, well, pretty much, while making fun of her, just a bit, but now I feel sorry for her for all the crap she’s taking for this flick. “This somnolent actress confuses sullen attitudinizing with acting,” chuckles Stephen Holden, one of the powers that be at the New York Times. Hey, Stevo! Let’s see your ass, Baby Cakes!
Still, I am going to pass on The Nanny Diaries, which sounds like 90 minutes of what I’ve seen 99 times on Law and Order: a little kid on the Upper East Side calling her Hispanic nanny “mommy” right in front of, you know, Mom! Ouch, huh! Rich folks! They’re so awful. But I already knew that.
Duck: Funky, unpretentious dude gets funky, unpretentious duck. Pass.
Chalk: Something about teachers. I’m guessing, as bad as Duck.
Underdog: No. In fact, way no.
War: According to Jane Horwitz at the Washington Post, this contains “Gun battles with graphic, bloody injuries at point-blank range, sword and dagger fights, throat-slittings, ear-slashings, impalements; grisly crime scene photos; children in mortal danger; dog with explosive collar; strong profanity; graphic sexual situation; topless dancers and other female near-nudity; toilet humor; smoking; drinking.” OK, maybe, but that dog with explosive collar worries me.
Rush Hour 3: Jackie Chan has enough of my money and Chris Tucker doesn’t deserve it.
The Invasion: Nicole Kidman is going to save us from aliens? Better call this film “Dude, Where’s My Pod?”
The 11th Hour: Leo DiCaprio is going to save us from global warming? Leo, dude, here’s how it went down: You got the looks, I got the brains.
Balls of Fury: Everyone hates this one.
Resurrecting the Champ: Old black guy, young white guy. If that isn’t a formula for disaster, I don’t know what is.
Becoming Jane: Do people say “fraught” in this one? I think they say “fraught” in this one.
Death at a Funeral: Repeated disappointments have not cured me of my unhealthy appetite for British whimsy. If only it’s not too fey. Besides, I liked Two Days in Paris, so maybe it’s time to go foreign.