Bright Lights Film Journal

That is so Spartan!

Wisecracks from C. Jerry Kutner and Andy Klein to the contrary notwithstanding, 300 are huge! Zack Snyder’s graphic novel version of the road to Thermopylae opened at $70 million plus, third highest opening of an R-rated flick ever! And, according to one of Andy Sullivan’s correspondents, “It is perhaps the gayest movie that I’ve ever seen that wasn’t porn.”* “All those beautiful, beautiful men dancing around in briefs and capes. It almost brought me to tears.”

I caught the preview of 300 a couple of months ago and decided to pass. Two hours of Marvel Comics machismo, “By the three-forked beard of Zeus, I will be avenged, thou Persian dog!”, didn’t strike me as an effective use of my time. But if you’d like to have beautiful, beautiful men dancing around in your bedroom 24/7, go here for 300 figurines. Go here for authentic Spartan shields and swords, not to mention beautiful, beautiful men themed lunch boxes.**

*Obviously, this dude hasn’t seen Along Came Polly.
**Gay lunch boxes! Great! Just great! For the thousandth time, what is Hollywood doing to our children!