Bright Lights Film Journal

Kiss my belly! Okay, maybe not.

Lips only, girlfriend.*

It isn’t clear whether Britney Spears hates tummy-kissers in general or just Jessica Simpson, but Jessica got a less than friendly response backstage at the Teen Choice Awards when she asked permission to plant one on Britney’s bulging belly. “Hell, no!” snapped the Toxic One. (The Lowdown, via the Fix)

Lowdown proprietor Lloyd Grove speculates that Britney “must have been smarting from hubby Kevin Federline’s dismal rap performance.” Yeah, Lloyd! You learned so much about rap majoring in English at Yale! I guess you think Kev can’t rap because he’s not from the hood, because he hasn’t murdered anyone in the last two weeks! Get real, mon ami. Whatever you want to say about Kev, he’s fucking Britney Spears, and that’s pussy the likes of which you and I will never see.

In fact, Lloyd may be the one who’s smarting. “Jossip,” a sort of meta-gossip site that provides gossip about gossipers, says that Lloyd is getting the boot from the Lowdown. Yo, homie! Time to start working on that rap!

*Britney, Madonna, and Christina Aguilera all get it on at Kikizio Babes! But if you go there, you’ll be joining the “millions of impressionable youth down the greased pole to hell,” according to “goodfight.” We link, you decide.